Some days you just need to laugh a little. What better way is there to enjoy a morning, than to cuddle up with your pup, get a cup of coffee and read some funny puppy jokes? These are a few of our favorites:
Dog Jokes
1. A woman brings her parrot to the vet since the bird hadn’t moved in a few hours.
The vet said: “I’m sorry ma’am, but this parrot is dead.”
“How can you tell so quickly?” replies the woman, “Isn’t there a way to be absolutely certain?”
So, the vet whistles and a beautiful black Labrador Retriever walks in the examining room. The Lab sniffs around the parrot for a few moments, then shakes his head.
The vet leaves momentarily, comes back with a cat and puts it on the table beside the parrot. The cat looks closely at the parrot, walks around it, prods it a bit, then shakes his head and jumps off the table.
The woman seems convinced. As she turns for the door, the vet announces that she owes him $500.
“$500?!” the woman asks. “How in the world could it be that much just to tell me my parrot is dead?”
The vet replies, “Well, it would have been a lot cheaper, but with that lab report and cat scan…”
2. A man went visit his friend and was amazed to see him playing chess with his dog. The man said “Wow, I can’t believe it! I know you trained Fido, but he must actually be the smartest dog alive.” His friend replied “Not so much- I’ve beaten him 5 games out of 5!”
3. A man walks into a bar and says “Does anyone own that Rottweiler outside?”
A biker stood up and said “Yeah, I do. What about it?”
The man said “I think my Chihuahua just killed him.” Everybody started to snicker so the biker replied, “What are you talking about? How could your puny little runt kill my Rottweiler?”
The man responded, “…I think your Rottweiler just choked on him.”
4. A teacher was unimpressed with her pupil so she said “Clyde, your composition titled “My Dog” is the exact same as your brother’s last year. Did you copy him?”
Clyde responded, “Nope. It’s still the same dog.”
5. There were three dogs, a Golden Retriever, a Lab and a Chihuahua walking down the street. On their way, they met a beautiful Poodle, and all instantly fell in love with her.
She said, “Since you all clearly want to marry me, whoever can say ‘liver’ and ‘cheese’ in a complete sentence will be the lucky dog!”
The Labrador said “I love liver and cheese!”
The Poodle replied, “How childish.”
The Golden Retriever said, “Ok, I hate liver and cheese?”
“You are both hopeless,” said the Poodle.
The Chihuahua said, “You idiots — liver alone, cheese mine!”
One-Liner Jokes
Where should you never take your dog?
To the flea market!
What does a dog do, that a man steps into?
Pants!
What do you call a mixed breed that likes to take baths?
A shampoodle!
What did the dog say when he sat on the sand paper?
“Rough, rough!”
What do you get if you find some dogs wearing headphones?
Hushed puppies.
What do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle and a rooster?
Cockerpoodledoo!
What happens when it rains cats and dogs?
You step into poodles!
What kind of dog chases anything red?
A bulldog.
What happens when a dog finishes obedience school?
He gets a pet-degree.
How did the Scottie dog feel when he saw the Loch Ness monster?
Terrier-fied!
Why are dogs such bad dancers?
They have 2 left feet!
Have you heard about the dyslexic atheist?
He doesn’t believe in dogs.
What dog breed reminds you of Noah’s Ark?
A Ship Zoo. (Shih Tzu)
Why are Dalmatians so bad at playing Hide-n-Seek?
They always get spotted!
If every dog has his day, then what does a dog with a broken tail have?
A weekend.